Growing Closer to God

Our earthly parents are supposed to prepare us to leave them. Unlike them our earthly Father pushes us so that we can get closer to him. I have made my life as transparent as possible and so you know that I have had my fair share of struggles. I still have trials that I am going through and when I was younger I asked God why and what the heck did I do to deserve such luck. In the past week I have gone on 2 hikes and finished reading 2 books that have really helped me grow spiritually. I need to share this with you so that hopefully I can inspire others to seek the same type of growth.

This blog was definitely inspired by the book I just read. Embrace the Struggle: Living Life on Life's Terms, by Zig Ziglar is a very inspirational book. Not only does he share his own story but he has a few others in there as well. I have said this before but I'll repeat it again. When I was going through my divorce and realizing that being the only parent that was going to look after the kids I felt the weight of the world. We always feel so alone in our darkest hour especially when our relationship with God is not as strong as it should be. The morning of September 11, 2001 I woke up a little later than usual and decided to take my time and watch the news. The events of that day will always be on our minds but those same events made me realize that what I was going through was nothing compared to how thousands of people had just been affected. Life can change in an instant and at that moment I began to pray for thousands of other people that I have never met and my life wasn't all about me.

Struggles in our life we definitely try to avoid but when they do happen we must take the lesson from it and grow spiritually the way God has intended for us. I don't question God anymore cause I know with his guidance he will lead us to where we're supposed to be. As a matter of fact I don't even ask God for patience cause he always seems to bless me with the opportunity to show patience. I guess that's where "be careful what you ask for" comes from. I now thank God for everything he has given me. I praise him for the good and I praise him for the opportunity to learn and overcome struggles. I pray that all of you can also experience the clearing of your vision the way I have. Below is a dedication or poem that I just wrote for my daughter's yearbook as she gets ready to graduate. Be kind cause I'm not a poet and as I started to rhyme I couldn't help but try to be funny. I hope you enjoy.

God's Gift

When I was young I was lost.

My selfish mind was the cause.

I thought of nothing else but to coast through life,

Lots of money, a house, and a lovely wife.

Needless to say I'm quite not there,

money in my wallet is quite rare.

Instead God has blessed me with you,

and soon to follow another two.

You have grown faster than I'd like,

but you'll always be my baby who I taught how to ride a bike.

You were God's gift to me.

You cleared up my vision and now I can see.

Unfortunately you have only seen the struggle,

Having you and your brothers I have learned how to juggle.

It is through the struggles that we grow spiritually,

and you have grown extraordinarily.

The lesson I hope that you have learned from this,

is to keep God close so that your life is bliss.

The struggles that you have endured so far,

are God's gift to you instead of a car.

One day you'll look back and see

that God was really looking over you and me.

The Dreaded Sex Talk

Last night I decided to ask my daughter for a few minutes of her time so that I can have a serious conversation with her. I didn't think that the time for me to have the talk with my little girl was ever going to come. I had to realize that although she will always be my little girl to others she is now a teenager and it is a matter of time that I'm going to have to pull out my shotgun (just kidding I don't own a gun but my hands are considered lethal). Reading Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World made me realize that if I didn't talk to her than she would get her information from some smooth talking teen or from her friends who probably get all their information from shows like "Gossip Girl"

I kept my conversation very simple. I simply told her all men are pigs and save yourself for marriage. Okay not that simple but going into it that's all I wanted to say. I have taught my kids using myself as an example so that I hope they can relate and take my advice to heart. I wish my parents would have talked to me more about it but growing up and reaching my teens it seemed perfectly fine to lose your virginity. I lost mine by the 9th grade and that's the same grade my daughter is going to be in next year. This might be a shocker to most men but yes I wish I had saved myself.

The following is why I wish I would have saved myself and what I shared with my daughter. When we start to have feelings for the opposite sex you start to realize changes in your body. As a young boy you begin to get aroused and then talking to your immature friends you then believe that you must go out and have a conquest. I had one girlfriend throughout high school and I believe one of the reasons why was because once I had sex that is all I could think about. Why get to know other girls when I knew where sex was readily available to me. Once the relationship became about sex it was all about sex to me, the boy. I can't speak for girls and how they feel and I am not going to try to do that to my daughter. Hopefully her aunt will talk to her.

"Your virginity is something special and should be shared with someone special, preferably your husband", where the final words I told her. We also went over dating guidelines and how she should only seek relationships with boys that add value to her life. My daughter is a very smart girl and she was more concerned on why she can't date until she's 16 (2 years away). She felt better when I told her that she can go out with groups of friends and the 16 year old rule is to go out on a 1 on 1 date.

In the end I am glad that I had started the talk. I say started cause I know it is not over. At least now she knows that she can talk to me. My baby is growing up and I have come to terms with that. I only hope that she will take some of the lessons that I've learned from my mistakes and make better decisions than I did.

She'll always be Daddy's little girl.

Taking The High Road Can Be So Hard

Competition can bring out the best in the competitors. It can also bring out the worst in some competitors, parents, and fans. As a coach I try to teach the kids that God gave us sports so that we can realize our potential. It's also a tool to teach sportsmanship, teamwork, and just have fun. Winning will be the end result when you put all the above pieces of the puzzle together.

We overwhelm ourselves with winning. As fans and parents winning sometimes becomes the only thing that we forget to accept losing as a chance for our kids to learn. This attitude eventually reflects in our children, after all they model their behavior after their parents.

The other night my son's baseball team pulled off a win to make it into the 2nd round of the playoffs and the other team was crushed. This team had beaten us the previous two outings that we met in very close games. This nigh time had just expired and so they couldn't play a 6th inning. Knowing that there was one more inning that could be played the other coach tried to convince the umpire to bend the rules and allow for the last inning to be played. Obviously the other team was crushed because they only lost by 1 point. It is hard for me to blame the coach for trying cause you get caught up in the moment and if there was a few seconds that would have allowed them to start the inning then why not ask. The problem I have is with the character of some of the players and parents after.

Once the umpire had explained about the time expiring then it is obvious that we play by the rules and we don't bend them in order to win. I can't say what the opposing coach told his players. I could only hope that he told them that they played a great game and put in a great effort. What I do know is that at least one parent tried to take some happiness away from my son and I. Here's what was said in front of my boy:
Me: "Congratulations you guys played a great game. These 2 teams always play each other tough and it makes for an exciting game."
Other Parent: "Yeah it was a great game but they should have let them played the last inning. It wasn't right for them to end it."
Other Kid: "What a cheesy win!"
Other Parent: "Well anyways we beat you guys twice and you won this one. Your coach shouldn't have talked to the umpires about ending the game"
Me: "Oh well great game"

Yes I walked away. Keep in mind that our coach had not said one word to the umpire. The umpire looked at his watch and called it. I knew that they were so bitter that it blinded them to what was really going on so it was not worth arguing. I really wanted to say something because of the fact of what the kid said and the fact that she had the audacity to say this in front of my kid who was really happy to win. The adolescent in me wanted to say well we won when it counted and it's playoffs so it's win or go home but I didn't. I had to remember that I set an example for my kid and my athletes.

It is very tough to take that high road especially as a parent that feels their kid is being attacked. What kept me from doing it is thinking about the hurt that they had just experienced. I can't blame the kid for what he said after listening to the parent. Reacting to what they said can have easily made a bad situation worse. I put my arm around my son and explained to him that in life sometimes people react negatively cause they're hurt. "Misery loves company" and so they will try to bring you down with them. You have to rise above it and not allow for anyone to take away your joy. He understood that showing good sportsmanship is on both the losing and winning end. I was happy to see that what they said didn't affect him but I know had I reacted, which was the easiest thing to do, it would have affected him negatively.

Working Yourself Out of a Job

"When you're 18 I'm free!", this is the phrase some of us say when we're joking about parenting. Well some of us are joking others maybe serious. You can ask any grandparent and they'll all tell you that it never ends but the demands from the children just change.

I've spent most of my parenting as a single parent. I remember taking on the task and swearing off of any relationships until my kids are 18 and off to college. This was 9 years ago and yes it is tough. I'm not at all a psychologist but I did know that if I did focus on a relationship for myself that it would create drama for my kids, especially my daughter. This is not about me so let me get back on track. In this day and age even two parent households face a very tough time raising their kids. We find ourselves working more and spending less time with the kids. Being under the same roof is not the same as spending time.

"Kids spell L-O-V-E, T-I-M-E" - Zig Ziglar. I love this quote because it is so true. I'm told that I'm a patient man but I don't see that. Sometimes I feel that I can scare my kids away when I'm coaching. I'm really competitive and it shows when I coach. To my surprise the kids love me and their parents aren't concerned about my yelling. Leads me to the conclusion that kids just appreciate that someone cares about them and is willing to play with them. The parents must appreciate that it's not them that is yelling at their kids.

Whoever follows my blogs or me on Facebook or Twitter can see that I spend a lot of time with the kids. I have even been asked by other parents if I ever work. I know they did not mean any harm. They actually follow up and congratulate me for spending so much time and volunteering my time as a coach. We have so many demands on our time that we start to forget the real reason why we work so much. Eventually the material goods that we want, not need, become a burden. Then we start trying to buy our kids love.

Being thrown into single parenthood was a huge wake up call. Prior to that I was about status. I was young and having status felt like it meant so much. Deep down inside I was in conflict with how my parents had raised me. I allowed my then wife to convince me to spend as if there was no tomorrow. Divorce, single parenthood, bankruptcy, etc... brought me back down to earth. What was important now was God, family, and friends. Needless to say I feel that my purpose in life is to raise my kids and give back to the community by being a positive influence to other kids. This is the kind of greed that I'm proud of cause it doesn't pay anything but I get points with God.

To answer the question if I work, yes and all the time. As a Realtor who is a know it all I'm there as a resource to all my contacts. People will call me with real estate questions, tax questions, and even directions. Do I always get paid no but that's not what I'm concerned with. I am concerned that I'm there to serve others. The real estate business is where I make my money and because I serve others eventually they reward me with a referral. My business is round the clock. It is more flexible than a 9 to 5 but I am on the clock from 7am to 11pm. Thanks to PDA's, laptops, and technology I have found something that I love to do and is flexible enough to be a parent that is hands on. Also I have learned to accept help from friends and family. The circle I have around the kids and myself is full of very loving people. My character is a reflection of my surroundings.

This brings me to the point I'm trying to make. When you decide to become a parent it should be job number one. Plan your career and life according to the children. We should always be striving to make the next generation better. Get the kids away from the TV and go out and play with them. We all need to try to be kids again but be careful cause I've realized I don't bounce up as easily as them. Remember the freedom our parents gave us. These freedoms have allowed us to make our own mistakes and learn from them. What I do is point out the mistakes I've made to my kids and I ask them not to repeat them. In the end wisdom comes from experience. I love my job as a parent but to be an effective parent I know that one day I will have worked myself out of this job and set these kids free.